Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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