3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
