My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
