if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
