Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize