my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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