South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and she was petting her beer can
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
