Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
