oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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