We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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