One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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