i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
