i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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