You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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