Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
