Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
