Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
