Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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