Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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