She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
