And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
