I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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