the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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