Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
