I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
why do cheetos always look like penises
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
