Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
