He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
