i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
