I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
