i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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