I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
