i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
