Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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