Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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