You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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