Someone shit on the floor
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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