4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
