I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
