Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
