So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
