I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
