Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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