My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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