OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
