WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
