I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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