Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
