my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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