he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
