Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my shit smells like andre
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize