Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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