i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
