she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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