I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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