i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
