I hope mine doesn't look like that
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
