well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
