I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
