dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
