Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
