Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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