Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
