i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
