Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
